Quick something I made. Comments and advice please! As well as ratings.

Creatures rushed about, Alarms rung with extreme intensity, Sirens wailed. A missile hit the side of the ship, it shook violently, the blast ricocheted throughout the whole ship. A fire was now building up and starting to spread around the doomed space craft. A tank of gas blew up, the whole ship was now shuddering violently. Groans and creeks were coming from all around the little Pliigi. The fire was now rapidly nearing the creature. The ship was in total chaos. Pliigi were fighting their way towards escape pods, not wanting to perish with the ship. Although they had not been told to abandon the ship, It was clear now SS Embrace would be falling into the depths of space in a matter of minutes.

The captain stood valiantly at the controls of his ship on the flight deck. Warnings flashed around the screens creating a dazzling display. An alarm started howling. A cold, metallic voice uttered words that would scare any soul: “Oncoming missile, On track 3271.� The captain had faith in his ship, It was one of the best sailing the billions of galaxies. He reluctantly fired his last missile aiming for the Ion Engines at the base of the enemy craft. He watched the screen as the missile travelled the few short seconds towards the attacking ship. It was closing in. The Captain watched the missile read-out. It was at 0 seconds. He was now amazed by the bizarre reading telling him the projectile was turning around and heading back. True it was. He looked through the glass and there it was hurtling towards SS Embrace. His only hope was to fire one of the escape pods to stop the missile hitting the ship. Without thinking, He tapped in the commands and the pod was fired off. The captain tried to not think about whether anybody was in it. He sat back and looked out into space and realised just how beautiful it was. The stars dazzled him. The planets floated magically in infinite majesty. He was proud to have seen such beautiful things. Another alarm suddenly came to life. It warned that the last engine providing all energy to the ship was now on it’s last legs. The captain knew this was it. He had about 5 minutes before the gravity stabilisers would fail and they’d fall into the looming black hole. He knew this was it. Bravely he gave an announcement warning that everybody should evacuate the ship with in the next two minutes. His mind was working. Calculating the time and distance. He was within range. Un-needed systems were shut down to conserve power. This would be one of the last images he saw. The beauty of space.

The last remaining Ion engine sprang to life. They were on melt down. The captain slowly punched in the course. He was doing his duty, Defending his ship and the Nations of Sector 5. SS Embrace accelerated, nearing the enemy ship. The core of the engine was on melt down. A proximity alert howled, they were within impact distance. The captain shut his eyes, as the craft slammed into the enemy ship.

Sector 5 was lit up by the crash. Sparks flew out. An amazing light flooded the galaxy. You could have only imagined the sound of the crash. Slowly, the particles of the two ships were dragged away into the black hole. It sucked them up like a hover. The name plate of the SS Embrace escaped the black hole. It drifted slowly away into the depths of space…

Nicely done, I liked it quite a bit.

I'll start out with criticism...

The first problem I noticed were capitals after commas, don't do that. The second was a few run on sentences, but they weren't really that bad. Just clean it up some. Thirdly, although you had some run on sentences, there's a few sentences I think you could combine to make it flow easier.

Finally, regarding this part:

I'm confused... care to explain? I didn't really get that part.

Another thing is, it seems like I've seen or heard something very similar to this before... hm, weird.

Now, what I liked xD

It was very descriptive, I could pretty clearly see what you were trying to describe. I could also feel the alarmed, frantic, chaotic atmosphere in the ship, it was pretty vivid.

Overall, 7.5/10. Good job, you really just need to work on small grammatical errors.

I like your writing quite a bit, hope to see more from you

Doesn't sound like a very good day for the Captain. He was very brave though. Nice story. Hopefully I will be turning out my own withing the next two weeks, but don't quote me on that.

Ok, I'll check that next time!



I thought I'd base the story around the Pliigi, however I changed my mind! Let me remove that.



Thankyou

Now I know what it reminds me of!

The beginning of the latest Star Trek movie. Where Kirk's dad crashes his ship into the Romulan beast.