This is a short story written by one of my good friends. I want to know what everyone else thinks of this.

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Perserverence: The determination running through my veins...beating in my heart...my eyes are glued on the unseen target...my goal...out of reach of others...my brow furrows in the center as i concentrate harder...and harder...my fists clentch and unclentch as i feel anger flow through me...my cheeks burn...my legs shake with the power that i feel flowing through them...I run the ball clutched between my hands...i dribble...feeling the vibrations as it hits the floor...feeling it pass between hands...the power...the precision...i look up and see the basket only a few feet above my head...my knees bend...my feet have all the power...i jump...curving my right hand and releasing the ball...the defender cant get it...it bounces off the backboard at the correct angle and...easily falls into the net...I smiled as i fell slowly back to the court...something hit me...knocking me down...i looked up at the giant girl playing defence...she smiled a gruesome smile...she did it on purpose...my back ached...i tried to get up...the pain was undeniable...i moaned...i shook my head...and jumped to my shaky feet...the pain exploded in my back...i ignored it though...i heard the buzzer...that was it...my team rushed towards me...their breaths were as heavy and uneven as my own...their sneakers squeaked on the floor...their smiles were comforting...we had one...they looked at me with a sudden confidence...they all patted me on the shoulder and they grabbed me putting me on their shoulders...i felt dizzy now...i waited till they put me down to collapse on the bench in the loud, crowded, and sweaty locker room...i took a deep breath...knives digging into my chest at the sudden gush of cold air that filled them...the pain was keeping me down...nobody gave me a second glance...they thought i was okay...i looked up at the celing, watching as it became blurry...i heard a voice somewhere in the distance..."Hey...try this" i looked down and saw a needle..."NO!" i screamed swatting it away with a sudden urgency..."I don't do drugs..." I got up ignoring the pain that threatened to pull me down and walked out of the gym...that was when i made the decision...i would never give up...i let myself get open...i was to confident...i smiled at myself and walked out not feeling that pain till the next morning...

It's pretty subjective. Obviously it's about basketball (that's my main guess), so it has absolutely no relevance to me. The author is writing her experience as it's happening, and it's pretty uninteresting to me. Many of her sentences are uneven, with spelling errors. Whether it's a story or a poem format, I can't tell. The style jumps all over the place.

It doesn't speak to the audience or through the audience.

Interesting ending. Not sure 100% where the focus was, but it liked it. :P

She was offered drugs and decided to write a story about it?

I wouldn't want to be rude, but it could use a bit of work. It's rather confusing and hard to read, and the plot seems to go from one situation to the next without any warning.

The ellipses are the authors main problem. There is no sentence structure, so it feels like the story is dragging on and on and on. Although the beginning of the story informative, the ellipses break each little piece of information apart and tear at the story's core. It could have been better by the multitudes without any ellipses at all, because in my opinion they are only useful in rare situations, whereas other punctuation such as comas, colons, and simi-colons are put to better use.

It reads like an essay written for school. It feels as though the author was given a topic stating "Write about a time when peer pressure was put upon you". However, the moral of the story was only discovered in the very last seconds of the writing, which in its case was the topic of the story as well. I feel like the basketball story could have been merged into the drug section more smoothly. I did not feel the connection between why the author did not do the drugs and the reasons for the basketball part. Was the team ecstatic to have won, so they offered her drugs. Was it for her pain? Was it just for the heck of it. There could have been a better explanation.

Sorry for kind of tearing that apart :/

That isn't much of a story really, it's just a series of statements broken up, as Stellar said, by too many ellipses. The main structure seems to be...

I blah blah blah... blah blah blah... I felt blah blah blah... etc. That doesn't flow very well.



I'll give your friend a hand:

Determination flowed through my veins like fire, stoked by the ever-beating engine of my heart. My eyes, stuck fast to the unseen target. The goal. The others couldn't catch me. No chance. Brow furrowed, fists clenched, cheeks burned and legs shook as my feet carried me ever closer.

Properly punctuated but still maintains the urgency present in the original. Hope that helps.

I liked this, although it did have its downsides. The ellipses and spelling made it difficult to read and the ending seemed a bit odd.

I liked this alot, its cool

Yes, it does seem very weird. She was in pain because someone landed on her chest, and then she was offered a needle. It could have not been drugs but might have been someone trying to give her something to help her. If she wanted to add drugs into the story, the most reasonable drug is marijuana, and it could have been easily added in as a 'treat' from one of the players because she scored the winning shot.