The text I bring to you is not really a story, But more of a descriptive passage building tension and hopefully creating an image in you mind of the scenery e.t.c
I’ve got a bit of spare time now and I find myself quickly typing out a story. Generally I try and right my stories within one night rather than over a few days. This is why they are quite short. Perhaps I may create some longer texts, who knows... Anyway, Here is the latest passage. I’ve been working on, It’s called The Back Streets Of London. It’s a descriptive text for my English class which really doesn’t make any sense!
It was night. There was no moon to illuminate the streets of London. Jack quickly hurried through the back alleys around Whitechapel. There was suddenly a loud clang of metal on the ground and the sound of a cat screeching as it darted over a fence. Jack froze, His heart banged away at his chest like a drum. His eyes slowly glanced around surveying the alley. He was starting to regret the choice to stray away from the busier streets. Jack started to walk again, His feet making little noise as he strolled behind the backs of peoples houses. A light was switched on, Jack tensed and felt chills running down his spine, But carried on. He now came to a small junction. A quick look to the left made him notice a little pub. Jack heard shouting which cut through the silence of the cold November night. One of them saw him staring and yelled him, “Oi, What you lookin’ at mate?” One of them threw something at him. The glass sailed through the air, A gust of wind lifted it and it missed Jack by a few centimetres. He didn’t have to be asked twice to get moving again. A few minutes later a carriage pulled up next to him. “Get in here lad” shouted a man in black. The horses shuddered in the cold and reluctantly started moving. “I think you can guess where we are going..”
Hopefully I'm going to actually do some proper writting soon. I appreciate that my latest works have been short and pretty poor.... I'm also thinking of doing a bit more posting to the threads where long answers are required. Also going to try do some opionated writting.
Wish me luck!
Full Version: The streets of London
If you don't mind, I'll just do a bit of editing.
Your main problem was capitalization errors, and I think there's a few sentences that should be combined. The bold is my personal corrections.
I think there's a few more grammatical errors I missed, I'd check over it again. At times it seems a bit sloppy and unfocused, so you should try and be more specific.
Overall, it was pretty good. I enjoyed it.
Your main problem was capitalization errors, and I think there's a few sentences that should be combined. The bold is my personal corrections.
QUOTE (MrThomas @ Oct 3 2009, 01:10 PM) 
It was night and there was no moon to illuminate the streets of London. Jack quickly hurried through the back alleys around Whitechapel. There was suddenly a loud clang of metal on the ground and the sound of a cat screeching as it darted over a fence. Jack froze, his heart banged away at his chest like a drum. His eyes slowly glanced around surveying the alley. He was starting to regret the choice to stray away from the busier streets. Jack started to walk again, his feet making little noise as he strolled behind the backs of peoples houses. A light was switched on, and Jack tensed and felt chills running down his spine, but he carried on. He now came to a small junction. A quick look to the left made him notice a little pub. Jack heard shouting which cut through the silence of the cold November night. One of them saw him staring and yelled him, €œOi, what you lookin€™ at mate?€ One of them threw something at him. The glass sailed through the air, and a gust of wind lifted it and it missed Jack by a few centimetres. He didn€™t have to be asked twice to get moving again. A few minutes later a carriage pulled up next to him. €œGet in here lad€ shouted a man in black. The horses shuddered in the cold and reluctantly started moving. €œI think you can guess where we are going..€
I think there's a few more grammatical errors I missed, I'd check over it again. At times it seems a bit sloppy and unfocused, so you should try and be more specific.
Overall, it was pretty good. I enjoyed it.
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