well, this semester my english assignment is to write a 900 word short story (lol) so I will give you a paragraph to read, I'm 15 btw.
(yes, In english my teacher doesn't care about anything offensive, so my work will get accepted) :D.

It was a cold morning, a dark one. The sun is rising and the wind is blowing as the rays of sun are cast upon a house with smashed windows and graffiti all over the front of the house “this is no nigger country”, This is just a normal morning in a town full of racists and thugs who deal drugs, rob houses and use violence to gain the ‘power’ in this community. David, a young teenaged high school student with a part time job with yet no friends or family, His mother is an alcoholic and his father is a drug dealer serving time in prison. John’s ordinary day at school is walking to classes getting called disgusting names, sitting alone at lunch or getting beaten up after school, a couple of days ago john looked at another boy in the eye by accident for a brief second, “What are you looking it douche?” the boy replied, john just turned away looked at the ground and replied with a soft whimpering voice “nothing...”, the boy stood up, picked up a log from on the ground by a tree and then ran at john belting him in the face with the log until john’s nose bled and his lip split open. “Hahahahahaha” they all laughed at him “filthy nigger!” said some voices from behind the crowd.
He got home and sat in his bedroom, no emotion at all just sitting there under the small wooden fan, his mother sat in the lounge room watching television as drunk as someone who had just drank a case of wine shouting and cursing at the television program.
John just stays in his room, minds his own business and tries to get through each cruel day as fast as he can. Yes, John is black.

Thanks for reading.

(I love black people)


EDIT: Lol, I forgot to say this short story is based on 'marginalised' people. Thats the subject we are doing in english (should be in sose (society etc))...
well anyway, I screwed up by not making a new line for a new person speaking with dialogue...and his name was David but I somehow turned him into John. This is the draft and I have to finish the full copy by the 8th september so I shall fix everything then submit my story to the teacher then come home and give you the full thing to read.

Thanks for the good comments :).

I wish I had a cool English teacher atleast once during school. I even had one teacher who would throw your paper in the trash if it made one joke or derogatory comment.

For 15 years old, that is a very well written, if offensive, paper.

Pretty good! It does point out racist some people can be, but it is a good piece of work.

Thats better than whatever I will ever be able to come up with... I nearly Failed my final year 12 high School English exam.. Aced the maths though

"Nigger" is not as derogatory here in Canada as it is in the states and people in our English classes can use the word freely provided they are not being hateful.

ur awesome!

Oh crap, his name was david but I called him john for the rest of the story.... *slaps forehead*

As this is English, I'll give you some pointers.

Your story changes from past tense to present tense almost straight away from the first sentance.
Capitalise people's names.
Add full stops and appropriate grammar.
Just noticed more tense issues. Try to read it through and see whether it actually makes a coherant story.
Shorten your sentances instead of over using commas:



I'd have to say it's a pretty mediocre story, but I guess it's a start. Good luck :)

Thanks, will be sure to learn from you and use those lessons on my next assignments :).

I didn't like it too much.

As mentioned before, there were tense issues and the content felt... uninspired. The ideas and back story behind everything seemed lackluster. It was also pretty choppy.

There's also quite a few capitalization and grammatical errors.

3/10