I was born and reared in a little town of Frostburg,Maryland,way out west from baltimore in
Allegheny County.That was mining country,and most boys by time had half their growth would be digging coal and coughing dust.I guess you'd say i was lucky, all things considered,as my pa was Frostburg's blacksmith and we did passable.
"i won't have to my eldesr scracthing coal from these hills,"Pa told MR.Havers, The schoolmaster, one day when he thought i was out of hearing."Ransom's quick. Does my accounts already, and he's not much past twelve.
"and frail for a miner,"Mr. Havers agreed."smallish.
But just let the toher boys have him!They find him game,James![Mr.Haver]No sortage of fortridude to him. He writes a fair hand too,and he read's through the library.I have to send him to Cumberland for books.He puts the others shame."[Pust add getting tired]i will add tommorow sometime
Full Version: Chapter 1 R.j> Powell
What does this have to do with Mech- no, what does this have to do with sci-fi at all?
Plus, learn your damn grammar.
5/10
Plus, learn your damn grammar.
5/10
QUOTE (Sagemech @ Apr 18 2009, 01:02 AM) 
I was born and reared in the little town of Frostburg, Maryland, west of Baltimore in Allegheny County. That was mining country, and for most boys, half their life would be digging coal and coughing dust. I guess you'd say i was lucky, all things considered, as my pa was Frostburg's blacksmith and we did passable.
"I won't have to my elders scratching coal from these hills," Pa told Mr. Havers, The schoolmaster, one day when he thought i was out of hearing. "Ransom's quick, does my accounts already, and he's not much past twelve, and frail for a miner," Mr. Havers agreed. "smallish."
But just let the other boys have him! They find him game, James! [Mr.Haver]No sortage of fortridude to him. He writes a fair hand too, and he read's through the library. I have to send him to Cumberland for books. He puts the others to shame." [Pust add getting tired] i will add tommorow sometime
"I won't have to my elders scratching coal from these hills," Pa told Mr. Havers, The schoolmaster, one day when he thought i was out of hearing. "Ransom's quick, does my accounts already, and he's not much past twelve, and frail for a miner," Mr. Havers agreed. "smallish."
But just let the other boys have him! They find him game, James! [Mr.Haver]No sortage of fortridude to him. He writes a fair hand too, and he read's through the library. I have to send him to Cumberland for books. He puts the others to shame." [Pust add getting tired] i will add tommorow sometime
I made some grammar corrections, but some didn't make enough sense to change
It doesn't relate to mechs really, but you have some good potential. Just work on your grammar.
Work on you're grammar, space it out better too.
I don't want to be mean or rude like this will probably appear but...
I don't understand your story really at all and I don't understand how the title is relevant to the story for the parts I understood. For the grammar you need to put spaces after commas, periods, exclamation marks, and ending quotes. Spacing is a big thing to make it easier for someone to read. I is capitalized all the time unless your not talking about what I, the word, means. I also see incomplete sentences. This would be alright for the dialog parts but not for the story part unless that is the writer, as in their level of education.
Make sure that you double space after paragraphs so that there is an easy was to tell that just like I have done for this sentence. When someone one is talking or it changes from one person talking to another that gets its own paragraph because it is a different idea. Spire did some corrections but that is not all of them. In general I would recommend rewriting the same meaning that you are trying to get again and it will most definitely turn out better.
Lastly, this is the MechScape fanfiction section... I don't see anything relating to that so much but then again your not finished.
Happy writing and keep trying so that you get better and better!
I don't understand your story really at all and I don't understand how the title is relevant to the story for the parts I understood. For the grammar you need to put spaces after commas, periods, exclamation marks, and ending quotes. Spacing is a big thing to make it easier for someone to read. I is capitalized all the time unless your not talking about what I, the word, means. I also see incomplete sentences. This would be alright for the dialog parts but not for the story part unless that is the writer, as in their level of education.
Make sure that you double space after paragraphs so that there is an easy was to tell that just like I have done for this sentence. When someone one is talking or it changes from one person talking to another that gets its own paragraph because it is a different idea. Spire did some corrections but that is not all of them. In general I would recommend rewriting the same meaning that you are trying to get again and it will most definitely turn out better.
Lastly, this is the MechScape fanfiction section... I don't see anything relating to that so much but then again your not finished.
Happy writing and keep trying so that you get better and better!
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