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MechScape World > MechScape / Stellar Dawn > MechScape / Stellar Dawn Fan Fiction
fishaddock
his mission was simple: find and assasinate Denelo, the leader of an unknown alien race, new to the sector, temporarily christened "Species #845"
as General Jon Pedo sat in his spot in his personal spacecraft, which he named "the Orphan", he began to test several radio frequencies, and then sent the countdown to base. suddenly, on his screen, numbers popped up: 10, 9, 8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1... a docking bay portal above him openned, revealing possibly his last dusk, in the evening sky. as his ship raised from the ground and sped into the stars, peton geared up his Battle Suit, and finally, after hours, his ship slowed, and he turned on his ship's cloak.
he uncloaked his ship after hours of observing a certin ship, with Species #845's crest on the side. finally, he saw what he was looking for-the sillouette of a squid-like head, with a massive body underneath it. he uncloaked himself and went to the ship's clearance bay.

as he approached the clearance bay, text in an unknown language appeared onscreen. regretting not installing the small S845 translator, he open fired on the door, and ejected into the mothership.

as soon as he entered, alarms blared, and Pedo put his Battle Suit cloak on, and went into the main control bay. he decided that the best way to assasinate Denelo was to destroy the ship, and that was what he would do. Pedo waited for a long, long time, until finally, the S845 mechs were done with their search rounds. they assembled in the main control room, while pedo hid in a corner, still cloaked. he slipped into the middle of the group, speaking in the same unknown language, until deciding to blow the place. he pressed a button on his Arm Shooter, and a massive burst of kenetic energy destroyed the mechs.
then, uncloaked, he heard a buzzing sound. he looked around, and he saw what he had been dreading-a super-technologicaly advanced energy turret, charging up power to shoot him with lazers. he put his personal shield online, and the turret fired. *SHATTER* he heard the sound of super-strong glass breaking, and the artificial atmosphere in the mothership quickly got sucked out of the whole ship.
msfanfic3.bmp (538 KB)

somewhere in the ship, something exploded -- massivelly. the whole ship went flying towards the most technologically advanced piece of equipement in the sector - the Noro War Alert Sattellite. Pedo used a hook grapple to grapple into a corridor of the ship, and waited for the explosion.
BOOM! the NWAS used it's automated self-destruct mechanism, sending the mothership flying -- straight to the planet of Noro!


thinking quickly, Pedo jumped out of the hole in the ship, turning his magna-boot function online, and saw Denelo fleeing in an excape pod. gathering his strength, Pedo grappled Denelo's escape pod, and swung it over, with all his strength, crashing into the ship.

knowing that Denelo could still flee, probably with a heat-proof escape suit, he jumped through the hole the escape pod had made, but not before setting an advanced Satchel on the ship.

Pedo nailed Denelo with a well-aimed, old school led-and-glass bullet to the leg. still determined to escape, denelo open fired a massive hand-held Energy Ray at Pedo.
10...
Pedo jumped up and around, using the lack of gravity to his advantage, before finally getting an Energy Ray to the knee.
5...
Denelo jumped to the outside of the ship, and Pedo followed with his Hover-boot function online, to see Denelo holding the satchel in his hand.
3...
Denelo raised the satchel in his hand...
2...
denelo threw it up, taking out a gravity vacuum
1...
denelo pulled the trigger on the gravity hammer, about to shoot the satchel at Noro, but Pedo, holding Denelo's Energy Ray, shot a well-aimed shot at Denelo's chest, and Dene-

* * *
General Jon L. Pedo died that night, along with the whole Species #845. Noro, lucky to be existing, was very greatful at Pedo's succeded efforts, and are in memorial to him to this day, 1,098 Earth years later.
I
Oh dear, where to start...

Let's see. The characters are lacking. The plot is both hard to follow and believe (mostly the escape pod part). The art detracts from the overall quality of the story, although the arrow in the 5th picture had me laughing. Also, the explosion is an obvious and shameless copy/paste. It's ok, but it could have been a lot better.

Edit: I think the fourm downtime ate my last edit. Any, get rid of the art, and give more back story. My two cents.
Topunit
Very creative, I like it. It's nice that you took the extra mile to illustrate it. I love the ending, it's funny. Keep up the good work.
Honour
I stopped reading when I saw that the main characters name is 'Pedo'. The realization that you went as far as to draw pictures finalized my decision to spare myself from puking and not read the story...

Just kidding, I read it and it was pretty interesting. The pictures weren't the best quality but meh. Just remember to: Save the pictures as .PNG
Max
If the race was unknown how did they know about it?

You have a lot of grammar errors.

If they used a different language, why not different number language? Why would they have a translator 'S845 translator' if the species is unknown?

Why was the mission to be had in the first place?

Your images don't really help with the storyline. The ratio of images to amount of text is bad. And your images... well look at post #2.
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