I'm trying to decide on writing a long story or one that is a part of a series. So I'm going to post a first draft of a story that I can either make into a series or a nice long story. You decide!

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Crashed (draft)
by: Max

For four days I was stranded on a planet that my ship crashed on. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was for the crash but the planet that we crashed on. This planet was the worst you could ever think of and I was on it. The funniest thing about it is that you would never guess it until you were there. Appearances aren’t everything, and I learned that the hard way. I mean, really, the first two days where quite like a paradise in a dream. I guess that might be a huge flag right there as there isn’t any place in the world that is complete paradise.

The thing about this planet wasn’t the look from orbit or what inhabited it. In fact, the creatures that inhabit this planet are the nicest little things you could imagine, well the ones that are sentient. The Pliigi are a quite novel culture. They are about five feet tall at most. What I mean by that is there are several species that make up the Pliigi.

For instance you have the Korlu which is an average height of about four feet tall. They are for legged creatures which have blue markings on their sides. Their head has two stubby horns that come out and are rounded off. Their face is the only part besides their tail that has hair on it.

Then you have the Cashu which are about five feet tall at most. They stand of two feet and have four arms. They have a blue skin and have mostly the figure of an average human being. Their eyes are dark and expressionless but their other features make up for this. I’ll explain those later if they come up.

What I really want to talk to you about is my horrifying adventures there. The details of the Pliigi aren’t really significant in any way. Neither is the complication that led to our crashing as that is trivial compared to what we found on the planet. I guess what I’m trying to get across is that this is absolutely huge. You cannot get any bigger then this and you should really pay attention to it.

Anyways, when we crashed on the planet’s surface we were in a lush jungle. Soon as the atmosphere was cleared safe and livable we opened the doors and were forming our ranks. I was the engineer of our crew so stood towards the back. The captain was relieved to see everyone alive and uninjured. The novelty of today’s crash landing technology.

Like any other story we had nothing to communicate with anyone that would be passing by this planet. The only option was to find some place for find shelter and wait out the rain that was currently pouring down. We could have stayed with the pod but that was out of the question too. The are we landed was probably one of the less convenient places you could have landed. The water was about four inches deep and rising. The water warm like a bathtub.

The captain of our crew had us grab what little we had and move uphill. We were moving blind like any other military mission. The jungle was very thick but we managed to find a path just big enough to get through. The mud and water saturated your body by the time we reached the peek.

Looking over the peek you could see several other mountains in the distance covered with green. Down in front of us was what appeared to be a living city. This was the Pliigi but was unknown at the time by our crew. Really, no one knew about their existence until we came to them. In fact, we probably would not have gone down to their city if we knew they were there.

What attracted us there was this massive structure that was in the middle of this city. With only our binoculars we could only tell that it was not ours. Regardless, it was promised shelter so our captain pushed us onward double time. By this time the rain was clearing up but being replaced by steam.

A couple of minutes down the hill we started to hear movement around us. Not the usual movement of an animal minding its own business but like we were being followed. The captain noticed this before us and was holding his blaster in his hand.

I wanna know what happens next. Keep writing, Max!

I like this story-It got good detailed description and at the same time action like in EliteZeon story!
Keep it up Max!

Oh yes-I gave my vote to "Make it a series! (I will be writting a chapter at a time.)"

Alright, it looks like everyone so far wants me to make this into a series so I'll explain what I'm going to do in a bit more detail.

1st - Instead of using the term chapters I'm going to use the word episodes.
2nd - I will be releasing each episode in the following formats: .doc, .docx (original format), and .pdf (other formats pending)
3rd - I will be put artwork into this
4th - 'Crashed' is the series name
5th - the amount of people that support and read this will reflect upon the amount of effort I put into this

Good idea, but don't forget to add copyrights, some people could leech it.

I will have a full notice and everything. If someone really wants to leech it, there isn't any way to stopping them.

Edit: I have spent a good 2 hours writing and being distracted. The wordcount is up to around 2,300 for the actual story so far.

The bad news is that I've put in quite a few twists for as far as the story is considered so it will be probably a good couple of weeks for the first episode.

I look it so far. I voted for a series. If it's good enough get it published.



900 posts 100 to go

woot go darth almost there......anyways im excited maybe Ze can costar some chapters cuz thatd be epic

If it's good enough to get it published... I don't know what I would do. It would take a lot of work and probably a couple of years to get something of that quality.


Costar? Sell? No. I might recommend donating to MSW though as that would support me in my ventures.

I like this, but it seems like a convorsation, it needs more discriptive feeling.

For now just work on one big story, and if it goes well, go to a series.

Voted for a series, quite good, keep it up

its good. I really want to see the next bit of it.

Has a few minor grammar issues too, but everyone can understand what you are trying to explain , sounds like a good storyline though.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by the conversation bit but I know what you mean by the descriptive feeling of it. I'm working on descriptions and detail. I don't want to give too much detail as to throw out the imagination of the read though.

Update: I finished chapter 1 completely and I am halfway through on my chapter 2 draft.

I'll look foreward to reading the next part! There were a few grammar issues as was said above- a good thing to do it get someone else to proof read it, as it's often hard to see any mistakes in something you've written yourself!