This post, and following posts, contain mature content. If you are not 18+ please backspace out of the topic. We are not liable to damages done to your eyes, mental state, or genitalia.

#637666 +(217)- [X]
<Super_Pirate> "Women age like fine wine"
<Super_Pirate> Show me one woman, one ANYONE for that matter, that tastes better with age . . .
<Super_Pirate> And I'll show you a mental institution for tasting people.

#452205 +(777)- [X]
<Cardo> I reckon they should keep making Jackass shows
<Shady> yer
<Cardo> That way we can use Darwin as a turbine while he spins in his grave
<Shady> lol

#33693 +(216)- [X]
<fstorm> i'd wonder if bill gates can win the presidency, with all his money and such
<Cybe> NOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!
<Cybe> dude.....the government would crash and have to be rebooted like 6 times a day
<Cybe> not to mention all the security issues

#8353 +(137)- [X]
<Seren> I've seen so many penises, but I swear, the minute some guy you don't know takes his pants off in a classroom environment and is all happy about it ... you almost shit yourself.
<melusine> Happy happy? O_o As in "Teacher, my still life is moving!" happy? O_o

I only understood the first one. >=D

Third one is pretty easy to understand, and funny .

I dont get any of it, now I feel stupid. I get the qoutes, but the number crap....is crap...to me.

-MSW Content Writer/Editor
-Ace Clique 7

Lol first three are funny, especially the bill gates one (but so many jokes on that topic have been made)

To explain the second one, it is referring to Charles Darwin, the English scientist who was the author of the famous, yet controversial book, 'The Origin of Species.' This book detailed many topics but most importantly his theories on evolution.
Now taking, that context into mind, seeing the Jackass crew doing stupid stuff, which evidently goes against Darwin's theory of evolution, humans becoming more clever as we develop and combining it with the phrase 'turning (or spinning) in their grave' i.e the person would be horrified if they had been present, you get the essence of the joke. As turbines spin (generally extremely quickly) to produce the electricity we use every day, this can be combined with the spinning in the grave, Darwin spinning so quickly at the site of Steve-O and Johnny Knoxville's antics that we could produce electricity.

There I have (hopefully) explained the joke, and (not really hopefully) completely ruined it

Wow. Just. Wow.

First one is self explanatory. You just don't taste people.

Second one is Darwin's theory of evolution. That the strong/smart shall survive and the stupid will die. But Jackass is a show and unfortunately, they're all still alive.

Third one is WINDOWS.

Fourth one is boner.

lol second one is funny now that you guys mention Darwin correctly :p

Still dont get the last one. ^.^

I believe the joke is that the nude model isn't being as still as they should be due to a certain piece of their anatomy becoming aroused thus making it difficult to draw them in a figure painting.

#8845 +(304)- [X]
<Fetch#acknak> 19 apache processes
<Fetch#acknak> I think maybe your mail server has a problem ;)
<karlitoX#acknak> are those forked or threaded
<Fetch#acknak> karlitoX: does it matter? its a mail server ;)
<karlitoX#acknak> it's a mail server with aspirations! do not stifle it's creativity

#5598 +(5801)- [X]
<Kazz> Do vampires have anuses? Cause that's why I wouldn't let this kid invade a vampire's anus in this RPG, right, I was GMing, and his character was an Anus Shade, with the power to possess and control the anuses of people and animals.. and I figured that vampires don't have anuses.
<Zaratustra> a vampire's anus is present, but non-working.
<Zaratustra> like a network card without the appropriate driver.
<Kazz> Wow. You're the biggest dork on Earth.
<Sharkey> And you're DMing an rpg with Anus Shades.

#146497 +(5548)- [X]
<DemonEater> wtf
<DemonEater> ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship
<DemonEater> who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy

#587801 +(5326)- [X]
silic0nsilence: So it's black friday at CompUSA.
Slider: Yea
silic0nsilence: We were to open up at 12am. It's 11:58pm and there is a HUGE line of blood-thirsty, hard drive-wanting, maniacs. So my friend dares me to scream we have one xbox360.
Slider: Holy shit.
silic0nsilence: So he gives me $20. I go up to the gate and scream, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE JUST RECIEVED ONE XBOX360!!" Immediatly people are storming the gate, passing me money through the cage to get it. They were screaming and knocked over this old lady. My boss just looks at me with these red eyes. In them, I saw fear and rage.
Slider: Omg you dumb shit!
Slider: Wait a second, it's 12:46A, and it's black Friday. What did this happen minutes ago? Shouldn't you be at work?
silic0nsilence: Yeah..
silic0nsilence: Pretty sure I don't work at CompUSA any more..

They are all pretty freaken funny. Cannot pick my favorite because they are all good! :P

Major lolz at 3rd one on the post above.

#730297 +(863)- [X]
<astrix> theres a little clip on the side of your drive
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> jumpers
<astrix> theres 3 options, master, slave and something else
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> cable select
<@Cyan> master, slave, and "likes to watch"

#88666 +(609)- [X]
<Draffa> it's sad. When I was 14/15/16, the hottest women were 25. Now that i'm 25, the hottest girls are 14/15/16 :(

#714570 +(-1030)- [X]
<komies> It got dead in here.
<komies> Riech, tell me a story.
<Shish> make it have pirates in it!
<Riech> Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
<Riech> Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
<Riech> Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
<komies> Five pirates and one woman? Seems like my kind of island.
<Riech> All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
<Riech> The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
<Riech> The first week after wasn't too bad.
<Riech> The second week was getting sort of bad.
<Riech> The third week was getting pretty bad.
<Riech> The fourth week was really bad.
<Riech> The fifth week was horrible!
<Riech> By the sixth week it was unbearable...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> So they buried her.

omg that la$t one wa$ funny a hell

#5542 +(1584)- [X]
[guest27125] hi i am very good at irc, i can script and even hack people on irc,but this real good hacker keeps hacking into me and changing my nick, his name is NickServ

#6518 +(1530)- [X]
<QJ> your grandma opened the shower door
<QJ> while you were wanking?
<knox> yep
<knox> it was worse than that
<QJ> she finished you off?

#33702 +(1410)- [X]
<BlackHawk> LULU: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got
nothing to put in it.
<LULU> You wear pants don't you?

Haha some funny quotes; I'm definately going to check this site out :)

#833499 +(1749)- [X]

Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c

#827518 +(2571)- [X]

<kinzey> i want to go out with a girl
<kinzey> and lay in the field
<kinzey> real romatic like
<kinzey> and just stare at the full moon
<kinzey> and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
<kinzey> and i'll just be like
<kinzey> "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
<kinzey> and then run to the car and leave her ass there
<Chris> wow

Haha they are all funny, except for the coding one, I don't understand complex computer jokes. >=D

#790689 +(937)- [X]
< evoxy> can anyone recommend a good php tutorial?
< Dynom> evoxy: goodphptutorials.com
< evoxy> lol i thought it was a bogus url
< Dynom> it works?
< Dynom> :-| wtf

#776488 +(438)- [X]
<Meltro> the song you are referring to is 'Dueling Banjos', as made famous in some hickish movie I don't remember
<Meltro> Requiem for a full set of teeth or something

#8329 +(259)- [X]
<a> i wish i had some vr goggles or something
<Loc-Dog> a: for porn?
<a> so nobody could tell i was playing games
<a> games being interactive porn
<Loc-Dog> a: they'd be able to tell when you pulled out the "joystick" to manuever your "character" in the "first person shooter"
<a> Loc-Dog: i use the keyboard.

lol these ones made me laugh especially





Quite liked the pirates one too Good finds lol

BACK FROM THE DEAD

#842650 +(105)- [X]
<Helen> Well my husband never yells at me
<Helen> Neither he swears nor say rude stuff to ppl
<Helen> And he almost never stays late by computer
<Helen> And he never cheats on me and never goes to that horrible drinking places like pubs and stuff
<Helen> Isn't he great?! ^_^
<DialSoft> Hmmmm..........
<DialSoft> Try poking him with a stick
<DialSoft> He seems pretty dead


#844663 +(120)- [X]
< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better.


#835413 +(1728)- [X]
<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.


#835939 +(2470)- [X]
<Jackal>: So I went over to my hippie neighbor's house and asked for a pot holder, he went inside and came out with a sandwich bag...... note to self new best friend.

#884782 +(368)- [X]
<RST38h> When I bought 14.4kbd modem, TELNET and FTP became so lightning fast...
<jaem> what sort of lightning do you have where you live, then?
<lcuk> the sort that used to buffer before striking